Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
