Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize