I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
