i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
