When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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