guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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