I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
