Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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