i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
