why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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