I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
