he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
