Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
