I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
