I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize