If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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