it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize