wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
