Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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