so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
