I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
