champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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