So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Terrible idea I love it
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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