oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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