she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
