What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Everclear isn't food dammit
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize