i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
