i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
