my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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