He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
