two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
