So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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