Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
