I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
