How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
