she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
