just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I need to align my fucking chakras
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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