i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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