i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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