Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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