Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
