what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
soo... how was my night?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
