also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
