I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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