we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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