I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
