She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
