Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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