I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
