I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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