So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
