You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
