it's too hot outside to masturbate.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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