Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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