the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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