I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
