Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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