We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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