Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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