What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
