Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
