we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
