Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
