I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
