The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
