On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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