I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
